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Brianna McDonnell Blog

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Self Love While Being In Love

in Sex + Dating on 10/14/19

 

My boyfriend, Matthew, came into my life out of nowhere. I was so on my own sh*t, that he caught me off guard. I’m so glad he did.

Today, is mine and Matthew’s anniversary and I wanted to write about our relationship, how much I love him, how I love creating with him, how much he means to me but I’m really struggling with what I want to share. The deeper we get in our relationship the more I want to keep it private. What is between us is for us.

I struggled for many years with my self worth in romantic relationships. I settled for less than I deserved, from men I didn’t really care about. Something shifted in me before I met Matthew. I had to love me more, so I could make room in my life for the right kind of someone. I took the lessons I had learned from dating in LA as a twenty something, and I promised myself that I would not allow someone close to me unless they brought what I needed to the table. I was sick and tired of struggle love! I got more clear about the partner I wanted. I got clear with myself with what I would and wouldn’t accept.

Society haas taught us through media messaging that as fat people, we don’t deserve love or we don’t deserve a fulfilling relationship. It took me so long to unlearn what I had been taught. I have to still remind myself, we ARE the romantic leads. We absolutely deserve it. We can absolutely have it and it’s absolutely out there.

I met Matthew a few weeks after, I made that promise to myself. Later finding out his favorite bar was down the street from my apt. He had known a best friend of mine through work. Meeting him felt inevitable and right. I want to be 100% honest and represent myself authentically on the internet, my relationship isn’t perfect. Do I get frustrated and annoyed? Yes. Do I sometimes wonder, if this is what I want for life? Yes. I consistently check in with myself. Am I with a person who supports my best self? And am I that for them? Do I show up to this relationship offering as much to the other person, as they do to me?

I always hated the saying, “you have to love yourself before someone else can”, because I was single over here like “HELLO I LOVE MYSELF?! Where is MR. RIGHT?!” but it was more I had to nurture in me the self worth enough to demand the type of man I wanted to be with. I had to refuse to settle on things that were important to me and be really honest with myself. Falling in love, allowed me to fall deeper in love with myself.

Matthew has taught me so much about love, myself and my self worth to be honest. I feel lucky to love and be loved by him.

photos shoot by Matthew

 

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Brianna McDonnell is a performer and creative boss, who is passionate about representing marginalized bodies in her work. Through content creation, performance, creative direction and theatrical producing, McDonnell’s work focuses on taking up space and owning your own story.

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🖤🖤 she’s back on set and couldn’t be hap 🖤🖤 she’s back on set and couldn’t be happier!! Would you hate me if I said....coming soon?! I’m SO excited to see my concept come to life, thanks to the most incredible team @samlabphotography @lookwhatbrooketook @logan_allison_ @kylemcrawford @laurentlillien 📸 @mattstatsnaps 
#bts #onset #losangeles #plussize #creative #plussizeactress #LAactor
Blame it on my performing and costume background b Blame it on my performing and costume background but HALLOWEEN is one of my favorite times of the year! Give me a costume everyday tbqh 🎃🖤😂🤷🏻‍♀️⁣ Hocus Pocus tee from @uniquevintage 
⁣
This is what I have in store for the next two weeks, or as I like to call it BRIANNAWEEN! Yes....BRIANNAWEEN 🤙😂🎃⁣
⁣
🖤 Costumes from my Closet, this is really my specialty taking things I already own and making BADASS costumes! ⁣
🖤 A roundup of my favorite plus size costumes that you can buy right now! ⁣
🖤 Movie themed costumes! I’m soooo excited to share this with you all, this is a continuation from last years BRIANNAWEEN...but if you know me you know I always have to out do myself 👀⁣
⁣
After I drop my mail in ballot off tomorrow, I LOVE exercising my right to VOTE and I encourage you to do the same! I will be at home, watching Halloween movies, with a Fall candle lit, eating some sort of autumnal treat for the next few weeks 🍂🥧🍵 #halloween #fall #spookyseason #october #plussizefashion #psootd #whatfatgirlsactuallywear
Honestly......I need a @starbucks 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 I loveeee a Monday where I’m crossing things off of my to do list 👏⁣
⁣
I’ve been getting asked more and more what my remote work week looks like day to day, let me share with y’all what this week is looking like! ⁣
⁣
✨ Shooting some BRIANNAWEEN content! ⁣
🖤 Shooting something superrrr fun with the team *you’ve been warned 👀⁣
💸 Executing some sponsored content ⁣
🎃 my three year anniversary with Matthew! ⁣
🥰 working on branding with @dame.studio 
🔥 launching my social marketing and creative consultation services in packages! ⁣
💄 One on one, hour long social media consultations! Hit me up if you’d like to book a session at my discounted rate (will be offering 10, hour long sessions at 50% of my hourly rate....this week and next!) 

Let’s see how this week goes! 😂👏 GRATEFUL to be doing things I love, with people I love! #whatfatgirlsactuallywear #plussizefashion #weekinthelife #socialmediamanager #psootd
Can we all agree nourished skin never goes out or Can we all agree nourished skin never goes out or style?! Am I the only one needing EXTRA, extra hydration this season? @rawsugarliving has become my go to as we transition into Fall 🍁🍂 ⁣#ad 
⁣
I’m excited to partner with @rawsugarliving to share a product I’m LOVING.....I can’t do lotions that are too fragrant anymore (13 year old Brianna is devastated 😂😬) ⁣
⁣
The Almond Milk + Agave + Oatmeal is my favorite because it’s not overpowering and @rawsugarliving is never sticky 👏 I get mine from @target because they’re 10% off AND with every purchase they give a bar of soap to those in need! I never share products I don’t love and I LOVE @rawsugarliving ❤️⁣
#RawLovin #targetfind #lotions #Rawmission
HAPPY MONDAY ✨👏 I wish young me could see me HAPPY MONDAY ✨👏 I wish young me could see me now.................babyyyyyyyyyy!!! I hope I get to continue saying that rest of my life 👏👏 **can we appreciate the 🦋🦋clips for a second?!** 
#BEinyourskin #styleblogger #plussizeactress #plussizefashion #whatfatgirlsactuallywear
No one: ⁣ Me Oct 1st: bad **witches 🎃🤷🏻 No one: ⁣
Me Oct 1st: bad **witches 🎃🤷🏻‍♀️😂
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🖤🖤 she’s back on set and couldn’t be hap 🖤🖤 she’s back on set and couldn’t be happier!! Would you hate me if I said....coming soon?! I’m SO excited to see my concept come to life, thanks to the most incredible team @samlabphotography @lookwhatbrooketook @logan_allison_ @kylemcrawford @laurentlillien 📸 @mattstatsnaps 
#bts #onset #losangeles #plussize #creative #plussizeactress #LAactor
Blame it on my performing and costume background b Blame it on my performing and costume background but HALLOWEEN is one of my favorite times of the year! Give me a costume everyday tbqh 🎃🖤😂🤷🏻‍♀️⁣ Hocus Pocus tee from @uniquevintage 
⁣
This is what I have in store for the next two weeks, or as I like to call it BRIANNAWEEN! Yes....BRIANNAWEEN 🤙😂🎃⁣
⁣
🖤 Costumes from my Closet, this is really my specialty taking things I already own and making BADASS costumes! ⁣
🖤 A roundup of my favorite plus size costumes that you can buy right now! ⁣
🖤 Movie themed costumes! I’m soooo excited to share this with you all, this is a continuation from last years BRIANNAWEEN...but if you know me you know I always have to out do myself 👀⁣
⁣
After I drop my mail in ballot off tomorrow, I LOVE exercising my right to VOTE and I encourage you to do the same! I will be at home, watching Halloween movies, with a Fall candle lit, eating some sort of autumnal treat for the next few weeks 🍂🥧🍵 #halloween #fall #spookyseason #october #plussizefashion #psootd #whatfatgirlsactuallywear
Honestly......I need a @starbucks 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 I loveeee a Monday where I’m crossing things off of my to do list 👏⁣
⁣
I’ve been getting asked more and more what my remote work week looks like day to day, let me share with y’all what this week is looking like! ⁣
⁣
✨ Shooting some BRIANNAWEEN content! ⁣
🖤 Shooting something superrrr fun with the team *you’ve been warned 👀⁣
💸 Executing some sponsored content ⁣
🎃 my three year anniversary with Matthew! ⁣
🥰 working on branding with @dame.studio 
🔥 launching my social marketing and creative consultation services in packages! ⁣
💄 One on one, hour long social media consultations! Hit me up if you’d like to book a session at my discounted rate (will be offering 10, hour long sessions at 50% of my hourly rate....this week and next!) 

Let’s see how this week goes! 😂👏 GRATEFUL to be doing things I love, with people I love! #whatfatgirlsactuallywear #plussizefashion #weekinthelife #socialmediamanager #psootd
Can we all agree nourished skin never goes out or Can we all agree nourished skin never goes out or style?! Am I the only one needing EXTRA, extra hydration this season? @rawsugarliving has become my go to as we transition into Fall 🍁🍂 ⁣#ad 
⁣
I’m excited to partner with @rawsugarliving to share a product I’m LOVING.....I can’t do lotions that are too fragrant anymore (13 year old Brianna is devastated 😂😬) ⁣
⁣
The Almond Milk + Agave + Oatmeal is my favorite because it’s not overpowering and @rawsugarliving is never sticky 👏 I get mine from @target because they’re 10% off AND with every purchase they give a bar of soap to those in need! I never share products I don’t love and I LOVE @rawsugarliving ❤️⁣
#RawLovin #targetfind #lotions #Rawmission
HAPPY MONDAY ✨👏 I wish young me could see me HAPPY MONDAY ✨👏 I wish young me could see me now.................babyyyyyyyyyy!!! I hope I get to continue saying that rest of my life 👏👏 **can we appreciate the 🦋🦋clips for a second?!** 
#BEinyourskin #styleblogger #plussizeactress #plussizefashion #whatfatgirlsactuallywear
No one: ⁣ Me Oct 1st: bad **witches 🎃🤷🏻 No one: ⁣
Me Oct 1st: bad **witches 🎃🤷🏻‍♀️😂
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