Do you remember this time last year, when most of us thought that the pandemic was a blip in the 2020 landscape? That we’d lose a month, tops? Dang, we lost more than a month, and it really feels like things were taken from us. But we also wanted to ask ourselves: What are we leaving behind in 2020? What did we choose to let go? 

So we asked you – The B Word Community – what are we leaving behind in 2020 of our own free will?

One answer came through loud and clear: we’re leaving behind choosing other people’s comfort over our wellbeing. GIRL, we’re proud of you! 

So many of us have been socialized to respond to a sentiment like that with rejection or self-moderation. The word “selfish” might have come to mind. Maybe your mom’s voice, your dad’s voice, your partner’s voice, your grandmother’s voice instantly recited the old family motto: enmesh, protect, self-betray, accept. So many of us are taught that love means to sacrifice our wellbeing in order to provide the stability others need to thrive.

BUT GUESS WHAT, B WORD FAMILY? Sounds like we learned a collective lesson. Thank you, Universe.

According to ya’ll, we’re leaving it behiiind. Friends who gossip, partners who aren’t lifting us up, guilt, comparison, the weight of other people’s expectations? The only weight loss we’re encouraging here, people.

Your peace, wellness, and energy has to come before making sure the people around you are held together. Your mother’s fear about how people see her? Put it down. Your partner’s insecurities about their loveability? Put it down. Your father’s need to feel like a provider? Put it down. All the ways that people ask you to compromise your fullness, your success, your needs, your pain to accommodate their own? Reject it, baby. 

It is more than just growth for most of us, it’s the courage to break free from the family inheritance, from the ways we learned to love and be loved, and the ways in which we’ve stayed small. Let’s take a minute to really reflect and clap for ourselves. It’s a big deal to break up with our trauma and learned stories and replace it with the life we deserve. 

So congrats on letting it go, babes. Choose peace. And remember that you can’t hold other people together with duct tape, glue, and self-betrayal. That’s what we’re leaving behind in 2020.